I went to the eye doctor this week, and was surprised that once again I have improved my Visual Acuity. Surprised because usually I notice the change more dramatically, and I hadn't this time. Also, I've been working-playing with my vision and my eye health all winter, and was feeling discouraged. So I'm celebrating today that even though my 44th birthday approaches, my capacity for healing is increasing! Revisiting a journal entry from mid-March while at a choice-point in the midst of my healing, I recognized a link to my vision improvement. I decided to share:
3-13-2014 SOLAR 7 White Self-Existing Wizard, Guided by Heart, Rainbow Bridge Day *
May the energy flow freely in and out of my heart today, healing myself and others. All others. May every being on the planet experience at least one full moment of peace, nourished by love today and every day. May these moments multiply themselves multi-dimensionally, through space and time.
The 13-moon calendar instructs that every action is either Love or A Cry for Love. Today, centered in the Heart Chakra, guided by Heart, I opened and softened towards my Grief. The ripped wound left behind by a close friend's actions. Cries for Love. All my closed-heart judgments and complaints dissolve in a wave of compassion for the suffering of others. I turn more deeply towards my own reactions to pain over the years.
My own overwhelm, my attempts at acceptance being overcome by the Grief. My opening to the Grief and finally recognizing the connection to my own childhood experience of Divorce, and everything else that occurred during that challenging time of my life. So many obstacles in my path to overcome!
Lately, “The Critic” (in my mind) has been admonishing me for “not doing anything.” Fortunately, “The Princess of Truth” stands up tall and showers me with love, showing me: “In just one generation, look at the changes you've welcomed, you've nourished, you've brought about.”
I recognize the truth in her observations. This morning, making grits, breathing in and out of my heart. Thanking the grits, the propane to cook them with, the water – oh the precious water! – that makes all this life possible. What a clear vehicle! I allowed the teachings of the 13-moon calendar to sink into my expanding heart. I saw and heard the Cries for Love in the actions of myself and others. How our flight-reflexes kick into high gear and we attempt to flee everything. When there is a lack of inner resources and external supports, we seek answers to our Cries for Love somewhere outside of our hearts. We shut down our hearts.
Now forgiveness floods in once again: for those close to me who have hurt or are hurting, for our ancestors, for our whole society, for myself. For all of us engaging in this Dream together, this dream that we are separate from one another, separate from the Divine, from God. I forgive, I forgive.
I release myself from these hurts that cause pain and anger and more suffering. I allow my entire being to be filled with Love. Love, Love, Love! To swell my heart to encompass all there is. To “BE EVERYTHING” as my new teacher, Hari Kirin Kaur Khalsa suggests.
My path becomes more clear. The overgrown brambles are trimmed back, the sunlight comes in. My confidence soars (Thank you Larch! The Bach Flower I added to my formula yesterday when the overwhelm and anxiety about my calligraphy business “farfliesched” me.)
I'm dedicating myself to Vision Work again! With an Earth-Healing Component this time around. Allowing myself to fully feel the energies of Spring Approaching entering my Heart.
The visit to the eye doctor meets the need for Reassurance that I am, indeed, a Self-Care Queen. Do you see it too: how personal, physical healing is connected to the emotional, as well as to the collective, interconnected nature of all beings? I trust these little seeds that I am tossing out are landing in places where eventually they can sprout. Giving myself permission to do what at times feels like selfish luxury: resting, healing, yoga, mindfulness, simply being.
May your heart be filled with peace today, and may you share that peace out in the world. Together we are!